My girlfriend and I have been dating ever since she asked me to our school’s Winter Formal last year. It went pretty well, although I had to work around her schedule because she was a seriously competitive swimmer. But, we were happy and had plenty of time for each other. I grew real attached to her during this time (in a mental sense, not physically). At any rate, about eight months ago she switched to another swim team, where they really work her out. For the past couple of months, she hasn’t had time for anything other than swimming and school. She’d always been tired, and would hardly talk on the phone or in person. I always had to sacrifice and work around her schedule to be able to do anything, since swimming is such a high priority to her. I’m a pretty busy guy too, but still, the lack of attention was kind of bothering me. Still, I thought it wasn’t so bad, until the Winter Formal came around this year. We went together again, and it was pretty bad. She barely talked at all during dinner, and her eyes were all bloodshot from not getting enough sleep. She swam about 8 miles that morning, so I can see why she was tired, but still, the dance was bad. She didn’t dance much at all, and every once in a while she would wander off and talk to people in some of her classes or to the people on her swim team that go to our school. All this tiredness and wandering — should I just accept this as the result of dating a nationally-ranked swimmer, or should I mention something to her about it, or what? I’m really confused, ’cause I’m no expert in relationships and stuff. Please help me!
You must be the hardest-working superhero on the ‘Net. I’ve been reading your column for about three months now, and find what you have to say provocative and sensible. Here’s my big question: how does one deal with guilt? I need a little help.
Obscenely short fact roundup: G and I were engaged, but not particularly happily (you know: he asks you to marry him, then gets freaked out when you start thinking kids, house, future…) He started getting itchy feet, and wanted to break up (sow his wild oats, find someone with a body type ‘more his ideal’, the usual nonsense). So, I agreed, and we moved apart back in October.
I then (not having read BG’s website) broke a number of BG’s rules for breakups: it was long, slow, and messy. I was lonely, and depressed, and we spent far far too much time together. We also kept sleeping together sporadically, which was always followed by a few days of being utterly depressed to the point of it affecting my work and quality of life (thank you to my roommate for making sure that I ate!). All I wanted was to stay friends and to get on with my life (which I couldn’t do when we kept sleeping together). I had made it clear that we weren’t getting back together, but he kept saying that we weren’t and why couldn’t friends sleep together, etc. I wasn’t in a good space. (I should add that he was trying to date some woman in December, but it didn’t work out.)
I can’t figure out how to tell my boyfriend I want to break up without hurting his feelings. He has really bad breath, aggravates me about if I like him or not (which I did until he annoyed me with the question too much), and he wears makeup to cover acne (he thinks I can’t tell, I guess). What to do?
Filed under: Animation — posted by Chris @ 10:38 am
In honor of the coming apinkalypse — or just to help you get through the season — we’re finally posting our Breakup Girl cartoons to YouTube for greater viewing convenience!
Sure you’ve seen them before — but you’ve never seen them this blurry!
After reading these letters I was impressed how you handled the situations with great level-headedness. So I’ll give it a whirl with my story.
I went out with this girl for nine months and let me tell you I was the happiest I’ve ever been. Everything about her was amazing to me. I knew we were going to break up because of our likes and dislikes. Our personalities were right on but we couldn’t decide on chocolate or vanilla ice cream. Sad. So here I am writing to Breakup Girl more than ONE YEAR later asking for someone to hit me on the head so I’ll forget this girl. Each of the few times that I talk to her she has always been so nice to me but I know she doesn’t want me anymore. I wish she would be mean. Anyway, If I can reason with myself like this, why haven’t I moved on?
Dear Breakup Girl,
If you do dump him, then realize it was a bad idea, how do you ask him back out without letting him think that he has you wrapped arounnd his finger?
— Just Curious
Dear Just Curious,
Here’s how: pick up the phone, dial all but one digit of his number, hang up the phone, and wait two weeks. Why? IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM:having lingering feelings for an ex does not necessarily mean the breakup was a “bad idea.” It just means you kinda sorta miss someone that you had some good times with. If you really, rationally think that you want another chance (and you have at least two friends who endorse this decision), then after two weeks, you may actually call him and ask him out. Once. Casually. If he says no, let him go.
Love,
Breakup Girl
Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you tell a guy that there’s nothing between you without being too blunt?
— Schaefer
Dear Schaefer, IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM:Mean is bad, but blunt is fine. “Hey, I think you’re great, but as far as I’m concerned, there’s really nothing romantic between us. End of story, morning glory. Blunt (as opposed to harsh) is the cleanest, most respectful, most effective way to go.
Why? Let’s say you spent all night constructing an elaborate, sugar-coated, cushiony, Downy soft, April-fresh, “explanation” for the breakup (or for why you’re not interested). When you use it, you will get one of two results:
1) Your dis is so feathery-light that your ex-to-be will call you three hours later and say “Okay, have you had enough ‘space’ yet?” Or,
2) frankly, he or she will be offended by your patronizing and BS-ification, and may even write to Breakup Girl to share the ridiculous thing that you said. If you don’t believe me, read the next letter down.
Dear Breakup Girl,
How can you make your boyfriend stay and love you forever and ever? How can you convey to him the value of loyalty, avid affection and obsession? Answer me! Very important! You can get a reward or even a trophy if you answer these questions.
— Sky
Dear Sky,
If Breakup Girl knew that, she’d be out of a job (or rich, or in prison). Seriously, though, I printed your letter because I like your style — but you don’t know how many people have asked me that question with no hint of irony whatsoever.
So listen up, everyone, to this IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM:You can’t make anyone do anything. Think about it: did your parents ever really make you do anything? Even if they did, did you want to when they did? Was your heart in it? The more they made you eat your rutabagas, the more you hated rutabagas, right?
So, you guys: do not, repeat, DO NOT do the rutabaga thing on your intended. Find someone who — without needing your help — treats you as the fresh and tasty thing that you are!
Dear Breakup Girl,
What do you suggest for someone who is dealing with the guilt of being the dumper, so they don’t go back to heal the broken heart?
— Scott
Dear Scott,
Splendid question. Breakup Girl has always fought for dump-ers’ rights — to make known the fact that while dumpees have to deal with rejection, loneliness, hurt, etc., dumpers have to deal with the fact that they started it. It’s a rotten feeling, especially in the case of those hideous gray-area, gut-feeling breakups where just because you don’t see yourselves together in forty years doesn’t mean you don’t care.
IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: No matter how much you care, you cannot be the one to help your ex through the breakup you caused.
Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 5:53 am
The first BG Maxim appeared on December 5, 1997…
Dear Breakup Girl,
What does it mean when a guy says “We’ve been friends for so long and I don’t want to not be your friend if we break up after we’ve been going out”? Is that just a decoy, or could it be the truth?
— Wondering
Dear Wondering,
Sorry, pumpkin, it’s the truth. Sounds to me like he likes you, but he doesn’t LIIIIKE you.
AN IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: When someone says they don’t want to go out with you — for whatever “reason” — take their word for it.
e-mail to a friend in need
All dressed up and no place to go on December 14, 1998…
(But Sometimes I Can Leave Stuff Out)
Moving on circa 
