Riddle: What’s the opposite of a breakup?

Answer: Frequently married — to each other! — porn star Annie Sprinkle and butch multi-media artist Elizabeth Stephens.

Yep, the super-committed couple is at it again — for the fourth time, and they’re counting. Yesterday marked the momentous occasion of Annie and Beth’s wedding — their fourth annual, this one with a green eco-love theme.

As part of a seven-year project of their collaboration the Love Art Lab, Sprinkles and Stevens get married once a year for seven years. Each wedding corresponds to the color and properties of one of the seven chakras.

Just a few of the reasons Annie and Beth’s relationship might inspire the pants off you:

They met when they were younger but fell in love “later in life;” they are a successful collaborative team; they turn love and sex into art; they aren’t afraid of love or commitment, or at least do a bang-up job of overcoming those fears; the hell — the first three times – with the ban on gay marriage; Annie beat breast cancer in their first year of marriage; they are openly sex-positive; they tried to have a baby but when it didn’t work opted for a black lab; they encourage others by sharing their story; they are just cute as pie.

And now that gay marriage has been legalized in California (finally!) their lastest nuptial might spread love into the world with more than costumes and performance art. After all, what says “Congratulations on your continued connubiality” more than shared health benefits and hospital visitation rights?

You know you want to see pictures from weddings one, two and three….

Now, thanks to the California Supreme Court, you can — as you’ve likely heard by now — get married somewhere other than Massachusetts. Yes, there may be icky political repercussions down the line, but for now let us just say: mazal tov!

“Mom! You’re totally embarrassing me! Next time you cheat on dad, get somebody cute, OK?”

According to a totally unscientific, self-selecting survey conducted by the prestigious research super-team Cookie Magazine and AOL Body, out of 30,000 respondents who self-identified as married women with children, 34% claim to be getting action between soccer practice and piano lessons, if you know what I’m saying. But this being the Internet, it’s also pretty likely that 33% of those 30,000 respondents are guys who really just like the idea of mom waiting for the UPS guy in lingerie while dad is…well, thinking about dad just ruins it.

While cheating is against the BG creed, thank God someone is at least paying attention to the sex lives of mothers, whether in actual practice or pure speculation. Though of course, actual practice would be much, much better. I mean a card on Mothers’ Day is nice, but after raising you, doesn’t she deserve a nice big, hard….hug?

I for one, believe that the human need for love and romance is indomitable, and two recent articles — one focusing on young women’s point of view, the other on that of young men — in the New York Times’s Generation Faithful series totally back me up.

In Saudi Arabia, as the articles describe, the opposite sexes live nearly entirely separate lives — the harsh and hardly women-friendly restrictions are a topic for another post — in a culture that values carefully arranged marriages in support of large familial groups. The details herein are fascinating, particularly for revealing the ways that young Saudis do yearn for romance, love, and intimacy even as they embrace traditional and religious restrictions against co-ed interaction before marriage. They also show the extent to which technology is aiding and abetting forbidden exchanges between young men and women with the same — or perhaps even more intense — excitement, hope, and fears shared by people everywhere. I mean: they’re prohibited from flirting, but their ring tones all play love songs.

One question I was left with: what happens to the romance of the anticipated and the forbidden once these young folks do get married? Conventional wisdom holds that arranged marriages often do form the basis for solid, lasting bonds. If so, can they offer some pointers? Or should we at least be more open-minded when our moms want to fix us up?

Show of hands. How many of us have not called in sick to work after a breakup? When you can’t even pick yourself up off the kitchen floor, how can you be expected to cowboy up in your cubicle?

So, FINALLY, someone has come to their senses and started offering “heartache leave.” (I know BG covered this in brief a ways back, but I’m still awash in admiration.) The Japanese PR firm Hime & Company (www.himeclub.com, for those of you who read Japanese), decided to start offering its employees this benefit because it found that those going through a breakup are often distracted at work, leading to costly mistakes and strange, distracting behavior.

The time for recovery is set by your age. Those in their early 20s only get one day off. (I guess on the assumption that people in their 20s get over heartache more quickly.) The mid-20s rank two days off; those 30 and over get a full three. I don’t know about you, but the last time I went through a breakup — and I fall into that last demographic — I needed about a week before I could sit at a desk without systematically snapping all my pencils in half.

Leave it to Japan — which can add this to its list of welcome innovations including smart cars, Hello Kitty, and raw fish — to understand the impact of heartache on the workplace.
I can’t even get my employer to recognize that my work suffers when I have the flu.

According to a recent study by Solutions Research Group, 37% of laptop users (and would-be better lovers) bring the contraptions into bed. Work productivity increases (good) at the cost of sexy time between nighttime companions (wait, bad! not worth it!).

The obvious takeaway: do not allow gadgets between the sheets. Unless, you know, it’s that kind of gadget.

Remember that Seinfeld ep wherein Jerry gets shunned by his buildingmates for refusing to engage in the “kiss hello?” Likewise, I have long been made uncomfy by physical gestures of affection absent any underlying, genuine, time-tested personal connection. (In fact, I finally had to make myself stop with the rebound-b.f. crap a few years back, because it was too much new-hands-feel, new-person-smell too soon.)

But am I in the minority? I first heard about cuddle parties — group events featuring PJ-clad guests and consensual, non-sexual hugging, hand-holding, nuzzling, spooning, and so on — about five years ago, and at least according to this report from Philadelphia’s CBS affiliate, they are still going strong. Clearly, they have touched, non-sexually, a nerve.

I dunno. Call me posh, but when I get the need for physical contact, I’d much rather shell out for a massage. Anybody with me? Who’s been to one of these things? Am I just being a prude?

My dad has done a lot of things for me. He taught me to drive. He bought me my first car. He changed the oil in said car. But of all the car-related things my dad has done for me, he has not once, in ALL the years I’ve known him, ever set fire to my ex-boyfriend’s garage. Not once.

Should I feel, I don’t know, somehow deprived? Like my dad wasn’t involved enough in my life?

Apparently the heart is more resilient than we all give it credit for. At least that’s according to a new study from Northwestern University.

Eli Finkel, assistant professor of psychology, studied college students over a nine-month period and discovered that on average people who are anticipating what their breakup will be like grossly overestimate their level of distress. He says that is especially true of those who are strongly in love when they make their forecasts.

“So those people are especially wrong,” said Finkel. “They think they are going to be devastated, and they are much less devastated than they thought.”

It turns out, in most cases it only takes a few days for us — men and women alike (the study revealed no difference in sex) — to start focusing on all the bad things that annoyed us about our partners. And in our minds we start exaggerating how terrible those things were. (Like how much he hated your cat. There’s something seriously wrong with a man who can hate a little tiny, sweet kitty THAT much. Seriously. No really, you’re better off without him.)

Though to be fair, the study does go on to say that the same is true of many dreaded human experiences. We anticipate that many things — surgery, a trip to the DMV — will be much worse than they actually are.

No, wait, sorry. The DMV will actually be worse than you imagined.

Check out what our neighbors to the north have discovered: men are about twice as likely to report depression stemming from divorce than women.

According to the AFP news agency, men aged 20 to 64 who had divorced or separated were six times more likely to report an episode of depression than those who remained married, according to Statistics Canada. Women, however, were only 3.5 times more likely to have had a bout of depression after a marital breakup than those still in a relationship.

Neither the study nor the news report on it gave any real indication of why this was. What would have been interesting is if they paired these statistics with ones on who initiates divorce and reasons cited for the split. I wonder, for example, if women are initiating the divorces more because of cheating spouses and the like. In which case they are probably six times more likely to be pissed off after divorce than men. Or hey, vice versa.

But do check out that little happy nugget of news at the bottom. Turns out it takes only four years to get over the complete and utter devastation of losing the person you love. Well sheesh, if they can solve that one, now can they tell us how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?