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September 16

Getting cold feet over meeting my online boyfriend

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:06 am

Sh*t is about to get real on August 17, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

First I just have to say I really enjoy reading your advice and it has helped me through some tough choices. Now I had better get to the point. I am 17 y/o female who lives in Canada and I have been “dating” a 19 y/o guy from Germany. It is an online relationship. Neither of us believed in “online love” until it happened to us. First we were friends and then one thing led to another… we have been together for a year. Anyway we both really love each other, but sometimes I feel he loves me more. I know he is great– sweet, honest, loving, funny– but for some reason I find myself overlooking those things. Lately I have been stuck on “do we have a future together” and “is he the one?” You are probably wondering why I am worrying about such major issues when we only have an “online” relationship. The answer is, in fact, he has an opportunity to come visit me in about 3 months. We had began to plan a couple other trips early in our relationship but for various reasons, namely money, things didn’t work out. I am glad that they didn’t then because I wasn’t “ready” for such a big step. Now though, the latest opportunity seems great! When I have first heard about it I was so thrilled beyond belief. But now the time is approaching that he must buy a plane ticket, etc. within the next few weeks. I am now beginning to panic. A major problem is asking my parents, whom I don’t have a very open relationship with. (Maybe Breakup Mom has some tips.) Lately (in my panic state) I have been wondering more and more about if he is “the one” and if its worth us meeting. It will cost him a few grand and his holiday time, but it is costing me nothing. Still I don’t know if we should meet. Can you PLEASE help me… I need an answer ASAP and well if you can’t help then somehow I’m going to have to decide on my own. *Scary.*

Thanks a million.
— Confused in Canada

BG and her mom respond after the jump!

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September 15

Would love to settle down — yet I’m dating a musician

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:05 am

Disharmony from August 17, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

You rule… I discovered the site lo these many months ago, and can’t start the week without checking in. But now it’s time for me to receive the royal scepter bonk on the head, if you will, or perhaps the superheroine firm but kindly lasso round my constricted brain. Briefly (I swear!): Years of relationships lasting eight months or less. Frankly, I’m tired of it. It’s not that I want to get married per se, but I would like to find someone to, in a way, share the driving duties with me on the road of life. I’m very independent, sassy and all that, and I’m generally happy with my life and most everything is swell or at least manageable–except for this itty bitty absense of a partner. It doesn’t help that I’m in my mid-thirties and most of my friends have already hooked up with long-term squeezes, husbands, and all that, so there are increasingly fewer babes to play with out on the town.

Anyhow, I met this man in a band I was in…it was supposed to be a one- or two-shot deal, a couple of gigs and then b’bye but the music scene here is such that we kept running into each other after *ha* the gig was up. Then, we’re in another short-term band! Hoorah! So, more music, more hanging out. After one of these practices, we go to a party together, and I end up spending the night, and I’m happy, it all seems passionate and mutual and all manners of goodness.

The goodness continues for weeks, until he returns from a trip to the west coast, and is distant. (more…)

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September 14

My boyfriend likes me only marginally

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:31 am

Getting out on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hmmmm…well, first it took me forever just to get up the nerve to write to a cartoon character, and then Lucy had her “not seeing any silly geekgirls” sign out at the psychiatric booth, so here I am, sending an urgent missive to Breakup Girl.

I’m Breakup List fodder for sure, I suppose. I live with my bf of 2.5 years; he likes me only marginally, sometimes, and totally ignores me the rest of the time. He won’t even have sex with me unless it’s dark and, I’m not making this up, he has a pillow over his face.

I am completely amazed that I put up with this, but here I am, snug in my routine and having a difficult time removing myself from what is a most crappy situation. What I need is something to inspire me to get out. Now. Any suggestions? What is the best Leaving Procedure? I haven’t done this before! Thanks!

— Geek Without a Clue


Dear Geek,

Lucy doesn’t know what she’s talking about, anyway. Plus I’ll save you a nickel.

You want Inspiration? Get out now, and you stand a chance of having an actual boyfriend one of these days. Or just… being content, with or without a side of Boy. What BG is guessing is that: that you have, buried in your psyche, some idea that you don’t deserve — or will never do — better. WRONG. I’m saying that not only to be perky and positive, but also because, well, it’s hard to imagine doing worse.

You want Procedure? Say: “I’m moving out. You can keep the pillows.”

Love,
Breakup Girl

P.S. I really don’t mean to be flip, but it — the actual Procedure, anyway — is that simple. You need help dealing with Aftermath, you write me back.

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September 13

I’m worried I’ll take him back

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:26 am

Staying strong on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend of three years broke up with me. He wanted to go for another girl. The three of us worked together and I was worried that I wouldn’t survive working with him because it would hurt too much to see him come on to her. Well, I did and he did. He tried his damndest to get her but was ultimately shot down. (Is it right for me to get pleasure out of that?). So, now I am presented with a new problem, one that sucks even more. Last Friday, I worked with him. He was exceedingly friendly, I’d say almost a bit too friendly. My friends seem to think that now that he was rejected by her, he’s going to come back to me. I don’t think I like that idea. While we were going out, he was very controlling. He wanted to know where I was 24 hours a day. I couldn’t go out with my friends if he wasn’t there. If I didn’t call him when I was supposed to, he blew up. Anyway, enough babbling, here’s my problem. I am happy with my life since he left, it’s better than it’s been in a long time. But now, they say he’ll be back. When I lie in bed at night, I think about how much I miss his companionship. I know that I have to say no to him, but I’m so scared that I won’t be able to. How to you tell a guy that you were in love with for three years that you don’t want him back, when your heart says you still do? My mind says he’s scum, my friends say he’s scum, my family says he’s scum, but my heart says I miss him. What can I do to make myself strong enough to send him away? I don’t want to be stuck with him, I really don’t, but… I think I still love him. Will that love go away? Please, please, please write back. I’ll send you flowers if you do.

— Shanequa

BG works it out after the jump

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September 12

My best friends are dating eachother

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:40 am

Feeling left out on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I liked this guy for a long time, and we ended up becoming pretty close friends… but just friends. The problem was, I still liked him, and I had the feeling that he liked my best friend. So he and my best friend hooked up recently, and at first I was really upset. But after a long crying-hugging-talking session with my best friend, I felt much better, and now I can honestly say I don’t like the guy as anything more than a great friend. So everything’s just peachy, except for when the three of us get together. I don’t feel jealous or anything, I just feel lonely. It’s like, my two best friends in the whole world are totally happy together, and I’m just alone. I don’t know what to do about this. We did a lot of stuff together as a group before they got together, and had a blast, and they still want me to come along, and most of the time, it’s fine. But then there are those moments– the kind of moments that are not meant for three people. I don’t have a boyfriend, so it looks like we’re just stuck being a threesome (not that kind of threesome!). What should I do?

— Third Wheel


Dear Third Wheel,

Yep, it’s totally easier to deal with Wheels 1 and 2 when they’re not rolling right in your face. So go out with them often enough to maintain the friendship, but don’t feel like a total square if sometimes you feel like just saying no.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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September 9

My BF has let himself go!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:53 am

Getting comfortable on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend and I started dating two years ago, and everything has been very good. We are both very athletic and enjoy running, etc. together. When we started dating, he had a great body. However, despite all the working out, his waistline has expanded greatly due to the his terrible eating habits. I have tried very hard to maintain my shape and have succeeded — which he is very happy about. I have known him for a long time and know that he has always had very high standards with respect to the bodies of the women he dates.

In any event, he has let himself go and I feel like he is taking me for granted. He told me that he has always been in great shape in between relationships and looking to date new people — but that he tends to gain weight when he is in one, because he gets “comfortable.” I know I sound superficial, but I feel as if he is being very hypocritical. He would be very unhappy if I had gained almost 20 pounds over the course of our relationship. On top of that, it is beginning to have an impact on my physical attraction to him. I have dropped hints, but nothing seems to work. How do I approach this subject with him?

— Holly

BG weighs in after the jump!

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September 8

I will not be ignored for a whole weekend!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:02 am

Feeling left out August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

My husband Dylan and I have been married for about a year and a half, and so far it’s been great…except when his friend Alex comes to visit. Alex lives out of town, and will occasionally spend a couple of days with us. I like Alex, and we get along fine; the problem is that when he’s here, Dylan tends to completely ignore me. The two will spend the WHOLE TIME playing video games, or watching TV shows I don’t like. Dylan will barely talk to me. Now, I can understand his wanting to do a little male bonding; I like to hang out with only my women friends sometimes. But I start to feel, well, darned lonely after a whole weekend of this. Even though our hobbies don’t completely coincide, Dylan and I are usually very interested in what the other is doing (he comes to my hockey games, I go to his wrestling matches, etc.), and it seems like he doesn’t even care what I do when Alex is here. I’ve tried suggesting things that the three of us would enjoy doing together, but no soap. I’ve been a tad reluctant to talk to Dylan about this, because I kind of feel like I’m being selfish and possessive (“You’re MY husband, and you have to spend ALL your time with ME!”). Do you have any ideas on how I could deal with this?

— ED


Dear ED,

Um, it actually kind of does sound like you’re being selfish and possessive. Unless there’s something you’re not telling me, you guys have (a) a good time together except for a weekend here and there, and (b) hobbies you enjoy on your own. Next time, grab your hockey bag, wave jauntily, and tell them you’ll see them when you see them.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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September 7

Is 10 too young to hold hands?

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:36 am

Just starting out on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

OK, here I go. I am ten years old. At my school, there is a rule “Keep your hands and feet to yourself.” Now, there is this boy who was in my class. He was my ex-boyfriend. His new girlfriend and him hold hands. At my school you aren’t supposed to. When him and I were together he didn’t hold my hand. Now, is ten years too young to hold hands? Does that mean puppy love?

— Desperate to Know


Dear Desperate,

Ten years may or may not be too young to hold hands, but it’s definitely not too young to feel jealous. I’m pretty sure this is what you really want to know: “HEY! How come he holds her hand but he didn’t hold mine???” Breakup Girl can’t really answer that — but she knows it must hurt. Still, at least you’ll be the one hanging out with your friends instead of staying after school for breaking the rules.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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September 6

Teen Angst

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:47 am

Weighty issues on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Okay. Here is my question. I am 17 years old and have had 2 boyfriends, but not for over a year. I would like a boyfriend for obvious reasons, but there isn’t really anyone out there who’s right for me. Also, I am wondering if weighing more than 140 pounds (chubby, but not obese, by any means) makes it harder to get someone. If I wait until college, when I will find the right guy? Will he want me? What will people think if I end up 30 and unmarried, 40 and unmarried…?

— Just Asking


Dear Just Asking,

I don’t know what people will think, but I do know that people who are 30 and unmarried, 40 and unmarried…just fell out of their seats over the fact that a 17-year-old asked that question. Oh, sweetie, please don’t worry; you are right on schedule. About the weight, well, the reality is that, yes, in the age of Kate Moss, it may be harder (at square one) for you to get someone. If you choose to shift to a lower-weight lifestyle for health and fitness, be my guest. But Muriel, don’t let me catch you dieting to fit into that wedding dress you saw in a magazine.

Love,
Breakup Girl

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September 2

He’s just not that into calling me

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:19 am

Unfamiliar territory on August 10, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

Here’s the scenario: I recently started dating this guy and he is extremely nice, and funny, and good to me…when he’s with me. Sometimes two or three days pass without a single phone call, and yet he “bounces” back and is right back to being Mr. Wonderful after these disappearances occur. I know the theory is to leave a man be during this “time to himself” but is this normal in a new relationship? I hope I’m not in denial, ignoring obvious signs telling me to walk away. I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, and I really do have a good feeling about this guy. It’s just that I am used to two different types of relationships. One is where the guy is completely not interested and disappears, and the other is where the guy is sooo on your sh*t that he calls every single day. Both have been disasters. Therefore, I keep telling myself that this is a HEALTHY relationship and that I’m just not used to it. Talk to me girrrrl!

— Jennifer


Dear Jenniferrrrrr,

Let me second that emotion: this is a HEALTHY relationship and you’re just not used to it. Two or three days without a phone call is not a “disappearance.” It’s not even “time to himself.” It’s not anything to “bounce back” from. It’s not the Mr. Hyde flipside of “Mr. Wonderful.” It’s “recently started dating.” Step away from the phone and enjoy it!

Love,
Breakup Girl

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