Getting practical on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
What about a long-distance breakup? Should you meet one last time to do it, or do it over the phone?
— Johan

Dear Johan,
How long is long? If you’re talking about, say, the distance between Minneapolis and St. Paul, face-to-face is kinder and gentler, allowing for meaningful handholding, forlorn looks, etc. But if she’s going to spend big bucks to jet from Chicago to Madagascar only to get dumped — or if you’re going to show up on her doorstep after an overnight journey, dump her, and then need a place to stay — I say dial those digits. Unless, of course, you think that the resulting phone bill will be roughtly equivalent to transatlantic airfare (first-class).
Love,
Breakup Girl

Well, the Internet is all afire over reports that George Clooney and his girlfriend Sarah Larson have split. Both People and In Touch magazines are reporting the split, thus giving all other media the opportunity to report on the two magazines reporting on the split. (Way to circumvent the original unattributed source!) Anyway, In Touch Weekly quotes a friend of Larson as saying the pair broke up because the two really had nothing in common. A gazillionaire actor who wants to save Darfur and a cocktail waitress from Vegas half his age have nothing in common? Really? I mean if these two kids can’t make it, who amongst us can? Certainly no one on the full roster of celebrities who have called it quits in May. USA Today has a handy roundup for you here.

Once in a while, staying at the pub and chanting your football team’s name loudly with your mates actually turns out to be the better idea.

Country music-worthy metaphors, sci-fi, sex tapes, even Disney: This one is up there with the best breakup letters EVER.

Show of hands. How many of us have not called in sick to work after a breakup? When you can’t even pick yourself up off the kitchen floor, how can you be expected to cowboy up in your cubicle?

So, FINALLY, someone has come to their senses and started offering “heartache leave.” (I know BG covered this in brief a ways back, but I’m still awash in admiration.) The Japanese PR firm Hime & Company (www.himeclub.com, for those of you who read Japanese), decided to start offering its employees this benefit because it found that those going through a breakup are often distracted at work, leading to costly mistakes and strange, distracting behavior.

The time for recovery is set by your age. Those in their early 20s only get one day off. (I guess on the assumption that people in their 20s get over heartache more quickly.) The mid-20s rank two days off; those 30 and over get a full three. I don’t know about you, but the last time I went through a breakup — and I fall into that last demographic — I needed about a week before I could sit at a desk without systematically snapping all my pencils in half.

Leave it to Japan — which can add this to its list of welcome innovations including smart cars, Hello Kitty, and raw fish — to understand the impact of heartache on the workplace.
I can’t even get my employer to recognize that my work suffers when I have the flu.

Apparently the heart is more resilient than we all give it credit for. At least that’s according to a new study from Northwestern University.

Eli Finkel, assistant professor of psychology, studied college students over a nine-month period and discovered that on average people who are anticipating what their breakup will be like grossly overestimate their level of distress. He says that is especially true of those who are strongly in love when they make their forecasts.

“So those people are especially wrong,” said Finkel. “They think they are going to be devastated, and they are much less devastated than they thought.”

It turns out, in most cases it only takes a few days for us — men and women alike (the study revealed no difference in sex) — to start focusing on all the bad things that annoyed us about our partners. And in our minds we start exaggerating how terrible those things were. (Like how much he hated your cat. There’s something seriously wrong with a man who can hate a little tiny, sweet kitty THAT much. Seriously. No really, you’re better off without him.)

Though to be fair, the study does go on to say that the same is true of many dreaded human experiences. We anticipate that many things — surgery, a trip to the DMV — will be much worse than they actually are.

No, wait, sorry. The DMV will actually be worse than you imagined.

Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, BG’s alter ego’s column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet Mandy, who — just like we always tell you guys — totally met a guy in her dance class! Everything went great until … it didn’t. Caramba! Now what? Can Mandy — who now feels dancing-foolish — still show her face in salsa? Or is she doomed to a life of long romantic nights at home with Bruno Tonioli? Read her letter and Lynn’s answer to find out, and then come back here to chat!

Having second thoughts on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
If you do dump him, then realize it was a bad idea, how do you ask him back out without letting him think that he has you wrapped arounnd his finger?
— Just Curious

Dear Just Curious,
Here’s how: pick up the phone, dial all but one digit of his number, hang up the phone, and wait two weeks. Why? IMPORTANT BREAKUP GIRL MAXIM: having lingering feelings for an ex does not necessarily mean the breakup was a “bad idea.” It just means you kinda sorta miss someone that you had some good times with. If you really, rationally think that you want another chance (and you have at least two friends who endorse this decision), then after two weeks, you may actually call him and ask him out. Once. Casually. If he says no, let him go.
Love,
Breakup Girl

You’ve got a friend on January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
How do you comfort your best friend when her live-in boyfriend dumped her after seven years?
–Confused

Dear Confused,
Bless your heart for asking. But you should really ask her: What do you need? What can I get for you? Do you want to talk about it, or do you want some distraction? When should I just leave you alone? Would you like a spoon for that? Don’t tell her you know what she’s going through; don’t offer unsolicited analyses of “what went wrong;” don’t go out with her boyfriend. Let her call the shots — just do your best to let her know that you, unlike certain people, will always be there for her.
Love,
Breakup Girl

Breakup Girl Friday finds it hard to carry-on with so much baggage…

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