Secrets revealed on February 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m seeing a girl who has very sensitive feelings — something I did not know about at the outset of the ‘relationship.’ It seemed that we were just seeing each other for the sake of not being lonely; there was no true love behind it. She was a virgin and I figured she was looking to change that with someone she felt close to. After we made love, she became very attracted to me, but she has told me twice that she’s not in love with me. However, she seems latched on to me and awaits every one of my phone calls obsessively.

I must admit it was a selfish thing for me to do but I need your help. I want to tell her that it’s best that we don’t see each other but I don’t know how because I know that she’ll break down and cry (she’s done it before). Basically, I don’t want to break her heart because her family and friends consider me a good person and I don’t want to change that! I want to do something now, before this situation becomes a mess! Thanks for your help.

— Danny

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Heartbreak: docs say it’s not all in your head. (It’s just that songwriters find it hard to find rhymes for “cardiomyopathy.”)

Inconvenient truths from February 2, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I just broke it off with the guy I was seeing and the reason that I gave him is that we didn’t click. But I also thought that he was annoying. So I told him the truth about that and now he hates me for being honest. Did I do the right thing?

— Turtle Girl

 
Dear Turtle Girl,

Ah, the old “We don’t click.” As Buffy might say, “You wanna vague that up for me?” It is indeed a maddeningly fuzzy thing for a dumpee to hear. Dumpees: you always want to know WHY, like, in the form of an itemized list of grievances. First of all, sometimes dumpers really don’t know why; “gut feelings,” “chemistry,” and “click”-age are mysterious, yet perfectly legitimate phenomena. But when dumpers do have reasons, well, you think you want to know, but you really don’t (much like how we think we want to know how many people our partner has slept with).

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Did you miss End a Bad Relationship Day? Accidentally on purpose? Then check out this casting call, sent from a reliable FOBG. We mean, if all your friends are telling you to break up and it’s not working, perhaps you’ll listen to everyone who watches MTV?

TRUE LIFE: I Can’t Leave My Boyfriend/Girlfriend
Are you in a relationship that’s on the road to nowhere? Are your two opposing life situations (distance, finances, religion, culture) making it increasingly difficult to stay together? Do you want to break up with your mate but don’t know how to go about actually doing the deed? Are you hanging on to the relationship because you’re overwhelmed at the thought of being alone? Have you broken up before only to go running back to each other shortly thereafter?

We know that breaking up is hard to do, and if you answered ‘yes’ to any of these questions, then MTV would like to hear your story. Tell us as much about your relationship as possible — let us know how long you’ve been together, what your attraction to each other was, what the circumstances were that led to your decision, and what your current status is as a couple

If you appear to be between the ages of 17-26, want to breakup with your boyfriend/girlfriend, and would like to share your story, please email us at CantLeave@mtvn.com. Please be sure to include your name, location, phone number, and a photo of you and your mate.

Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say when you want to end a relationship. And if you are dating Olivia Newton-John it’s pretty much impossible to explain yourself. (I mean, she’s like the original Kylie Minogue!) But it’s time to man-up, because if you fake your own death, NBC’s Dateline WILL FIND YOU.

In an episode devoted to the mystery this week, Klein revealed that his agency had set up a hi-tech trap to help locate McDermott by making a website called findpatrickmcdermott .com, which secretly showed investigators the locations of people accessing the site.

Klein said he suspected McDermott has regularly been logging on to the “spider site”, with the team tracking hits from what he believed was a boat traveling along the Mexican coastline as far as South America.

Patrick McDermott is alive!

Naughty thoughts from December 22, 1997…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been planning to break up with my boyfriend (of two months) but would rather wait until after the first of the year. My decision (based on my desire to see other guys, coupled with his irresponsibility and general disorganization) has been delayed because of the holidays and, more importantly, the fact that we both have two weeks of difficult final exams. If I know that he bought me an expensive Christmas present, am I under any obligation to stay with him or to return the gift to him after we break up? Is the fact that the gift is something I lobbied for extensively in a previous relationship — but never got — material to this question at all?

— Merry Christmas

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Last month I remarked in my post about status-starved Japanese girls that I’d love to be “New York-married” (my friend Kristyn’s phrase for having a live-in boy/girlfriend) so that I could go halfsies on the rent for my one-bedroom flat.

But I’d better never find myself New York-divorced, lest I wind up having to reconfigure that 1br into a “cozy 2br share!” like some no-longer-couples are being forced to do, says this AP story from last week. It’s the economy, snookums!

“With the recession and the collapse of the housing market, more and more couples who have broken up are continuing to live under the same roof, according to judges and divorce lawyers. Some are waiting for housing prices to rebound; some are trying to get back on their feet financially.”

And some, I suppose, are Netflixing a movie or two to help find a thread of black humor in the whole sucky sitch. And watching them from their half of the couch.

The winter holidays can be a tough time of year whether or not there’s a dependent Claus in your life. It’s hard to be single at Yuletide, because for one thing, you have to hear your parents say things like, “Won’t your friend be joining us this year?” and “Well, did you sit with anyone interesting on the train?” and “Are you sure you have a good dermatologist?” It’s also hard to be in a couple at the holidays, because it’s … expensive. What to do? How much to spend? Where to kiss? What is wassail? Here’s Breakup Girl’s mini-FAQ…

Should I buy my new boyfriend/girlfriend a holiday present?

Ah, a common problem: meeting someone just before a major gift-giving holiday. (There’s also the less common — but perhaps more serious — problem of meeting someone just before a non-gift-giving holiday, and giving him something anyway — planting a tree in his honor on Arbor Day, for example. )

So here’s the rule of thumb: at the early stage, your presents should not be commanding. In other words,
DO: pick up a little something sweet, warm, or fuzzy — chocolate, mittens, dice — that says “Hey there, I think you’re kinda sweet, warm, and fuzzy.”
DON’T regale him with anything time-consuming, grand, or intimidating — a ten-course dinner, a romantic weekend at a B&B, a mortgage — that says “Sit here, stay here, sign here.” Give someone new that kind of Christmas gift, and I give your relationship, oh, 12 days.

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A rough outline from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I want to break up with my boyfriend of 5 years, because we are not compatible long-term (read: marriage). I should have done this many years ago, but I loved him and couldn’t. Now although I still love him, I think I finally have the courage to tell him I want out, but I don’t know how to broach the subject. I have thought of an approach where I discuss:

1) The current situation (i.e. everything that’s going wrong)
2) His future plans and mine (i.e. that they’re incompatible)
3) Therefore, we need to split.

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