British literature has spawned many of our romantic ideals, from Romeo to Mr. Darcy. Posted without commentary, Carrie Frye at the Awl has compiled a list of 111 Male Characters Of British Literature, In Order Of Bangability. But of course British literature is not all Shakespeare and Jane Austin, so the author must tackle questions such as, Who would you rather do: Frankenstein or Uriah Heep? (Numbers 111 and 110 respectively!) Here’s how some other favorites fared:

96. Dr. Watson (“A Study In Scarlet”)
95. Willy Wonka (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)
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78. Leopold Bloom (Ulysses)
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63. Romeo (Romeo and Juliet)
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49. Dorian Gray (The Picture of Dorian Gray)
48. King Arthur (The Once and Future King)
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44. Robin Hood (Piers Plowman)
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34. Tarzan/Lord Greystoke (Tarzan of the Apes)
33. Severus Snape (Harry Potter and the Philospher’s Stone)
32. Aslan (The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe)
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23. James Bond (Casino Royale)
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12. Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)
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3. Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice)
2. Strider/ Aragorn (The Lord of the Rings)
1. Mr. Rochester (Jane Eyre)

Check out the full list at The Awl!

Finding a balance on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Is there a moral or ethical imperative to break up with someone you KNOW to have hopelessly stronger feelings for you than you have now (or may ever have) for them? Or is the burden on them to take the information they have been given (accurately reflecting this emotional imbalance) and make their own decision as to their life and if they get hurt along the way, it really was their fault anyway?

— Chris

Dear Chris,

You and Jamie Summers have a lot in common. Rather than supplying equally legalicious commentary, let me take this, prose-wise, in the opposite direction:

Let the person know. Let it sink in for a while; see what happens. Don’t look for some “imperative;” see how you feel. If and when “guilt” exceeds “fun,” you’ll know what to do. Just promise to say it in English (and without parentheses).

Love,
Breakup Girl

Predicament of the Week from June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

After three years together and two years of friendship my girlfriend broke up with me…over the phone. She informed me that she did not want a relationship and then refused to talk to me about it because she was late for a movie! I tried calling her later that evening and once more she refused to talk about the breakup, only saying she enjoyed being single, and hung up on me. A few days later she sent me an e-mail saying that she never said goodbye and that she needed time; our time together, she went on, was important to her, and she would never give up all the gifts and stuffed toys I had given her over the years. She told me she would call me on Thursday — well, Thursday came and went and she did not call. I worried, so I called her and her first words were, “I’m going out with someone else now and there is no chance of us getting back together.”

It only gets worse after the jump…

A happy ending on June 8, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Just something to add to your great Prom series. When I was at the age of worrying about prom dates, I found myself in the situation of having no steady guy to ask. I also knew that if I didn’t do something soon, I would probably end up going alone.

What did I do?
I took my future into my own hands (something that took a lot of nerve) and walked up to this guy i was fairly interested in. And amazing things happened! He was a friend of mine, but not one of those really close friends. I asked him if he hade a date for the prom (even though I knew full well that he didn’t). When he said he didn’t, I asked him if he would like to go with me. He said yes. What happened next is the truly amazing stuff. He suddenly started paying a lot more attention to me than he previously had, joining the backstage team I was on, sending me letters, and just generally being a nice FRIEND. At some point between the date of asking and the prom, we started going out together. We actually went out for FIVE years. The moral of the story? Just go for it. You never know what might happen.

— Sam

BG responds: Who-hoooo!

Dancing as fast as she can on June 8, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago but he still likes me. A lot! Now his friend likes me also and my ex asked me to the prom but I would feel funny going with him so now I am going with his friend instead. I’m mad at my ex — he follows me around — but I don’t want to hurt him; I only want to be friends. Should I feel guilty about going to the prom with his friend even though he asked me first?

— Sandra

Dear Sandra,

You have hereby demonstrated the one major exception to Breakup Girl’s yes-means-yes rule when it comes to accepting prom dates. Normally, it’s No Backsies. But when your ex asks you — given how weird and changeable all these feelings and situations can be — BG will cut you some slack for saying yes in the chill of the moment and then reneging. Still, you do have to make sure you’ve been straight and up front with your ex about the date-switch sitch. Especially ’cause you’re going with his friend. In an ideal world you’d be going to prom with, oh, Jared Leto, as opposed to your ex’s friend; but Breakup Girl realizes that, especially in smaller schools, some of these overlapping circles are unavoidable. Anyway, make sure your ex realizes that you’re not doing this to be mean; you’re really sorry, but you just realized that you really wouldn’t feel comfortable … which wouldn’t make you the most fun date in prom history, yada yada yada. And neither will feeling guilty. So yeah, you can have both a good time and a good heart.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Moving on on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend broke up with me about three months ago for (at the time not much of a reason other than “I love you but I need to do this right now” and “I am bored”). Quite contradictory, I know, but anyway…we have remained close friends throughout this and now we are going to the prom. Then he drops the bomb that he is seeing someone and is that OK? I feel heart-broken again because I didn’t think he was moving on quite yet. I feel like we are extremely compatible and are meant for each other, I truly believe that. It seems that nobody (not even me) understands our relationship. Here is the question: If I am “supposed” to move on and am not, then does that mean that this love that I have fallen into is meant to be? I am not obsessed or anything, I just want to know if there is anything left to do!

— Jolene

BG schools Jolene after the jump …

Misunderstood on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 17 and a junior in high school. I was going out for two months with this guy named James, but how we ended up breaking up was really strange. I called him one night to ask what was wrong and he misunderstood me and thought I was trying to break up with him (don’t ask me how he got it mixed up). Anyway, when our band class went to Florida for a trip, one of my best friends hooked James up with a freshman. Everyone told me that he didn’t really like this girl (who we’ll just call Penny). But that was a month ago, and I never see the two of them together, and I actually don’t know if they were ever really going out. Anyway, prom is coming up and I really want to ask him. His best friend told me that James does not really want to spend the money to go to big dances like prom. I was going to ask him, but he and I do not talk as much as we used to. We both went our separate ways, and we don’t even say a simple “hi” to each other in the halls. But I can’t stop thinking about him and want to get back together with him. So what should I do? Should I ask him to prom, and how? How can I get back together with him? How can I start talking to him again? Please help!

— Abigail

BG’s response after the jumop!

Keeping up appearances on June 1, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My boyfriend has been really busy lately and things haven’t been going well. (Busy with soccer, work, scouts, church, etc.) I still love him a lot but I think he is uncertain of his feelings for me and broke up with me. I have been trying really hard to be cheery around him (it’s working quite well) so that he won’t feel powerful over me and I’m trying to make him like me again and realize what he’s missing out on. If you could help me find ways to get him back, I’d appreciate it a lot. I smiled at him and said “hi” in the halls today at school and he’s looking about how I feel (he looked upset — sad/angry/depressed — I couldn’t really tell but he was surely upset). Also, I’m a freshman and he’s a junior and he asked me to prom about a month ago. I’ve got the dress, the shoes, the hair appointment, and when he broke up with me he said he still wanted to go but I don’t know if I should or not. Do I go with him as friends? I am not sure he even wants to go — maybe he’s just being nice. And what if I end up going and have a terrible time or realize how much I miss him and start crying? Please help. Thanks.

— Lisa

BG thinks outside the corsage box after the jump

Even if you haven’t had a prom in years, you need to pay attention to the letters this week. Consider it a reminder that (a) prom is a perfect laboratory for Breakup Girl-Approved Relationship Behavior, and (b) you still haven’t sent copies of your photos to Aunt Bessie. Which, given the slinky little black sheath numbers you girls are wearing these days may not be a bad thing.

Speaking of dresses, let Breakup Girl say in her own defense that — even during a time of great fashion unrest (for further research, rent Valley Girl or Breakin’ II: Electric Boogaloo) — her attire for all three proms was really rather lovely. Timeless, even. Enough so that, for example, I recycled the pink and white one into my “Shall We Dance?” costume in “The King and I” (I was “I”). Shout out to Breakup Mom, who, though not a morning person, marched me downtown at 8 AM three years in a row for the Filene’s Basement One-Day-Only Prom Dress Event (drill for Bridal Event?).

Memories of my fashion triumph make up in part for my tattered ego: all three (three!) of my prom dates (including the King) are married (not to each other). All of which is to say: (1) unless you’re forced to go with your cousin, behave as if your prom date is the person you’ll be with forever. But (2) relax, they probably won’t be.

A few class notes from Breakup Girl’s Prom 101: Cumberbunds for Credit.

Ask nicely. No games. No third-party research (someone who’s not smart enough to see through “Um, Chris doesn’t know I’m asking you this, but, uh, if Chris asked you to the prom, would you go?” is not someone Chris should want to go to the prom with). No email!

What part of yes don’t you understand? Once you accept, you are locked in. If Second Choice asks you first, say, “Oh, thank you so much. I’ll get back to you by last period tomorrow.” Suck it up and ask First Choice — and then do what you have to do. Slightly harsh, but could be worse.

TUPPIE scum. If you’re really planning to break up with someone, don’t do the T.U.P. (Together Until Prom) thing. Arguably, s/he would prefer to hang with a good friend (say, Dawson) that night than spend “A Night to Remember” with someone who s/he will later find out was just going through the motions. Also, fewer photos to cut each other out of.

Wandering eyes on June 22, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m 20 years old and have been dating a girl for about a year and a half. I know in my heart that we’re in love. My problem is that I’m not as attracted to her body. She’s overweight and my looking at other girls is distracting my focus on our relationship. She knows how I feel and I feel guilty because of this. I have a strong urge to experience the girls I’m attracted to, and not just physically. I don’t like flings. I don’t want to break up for such a superficial reason, but it is increasingly frustrating. How should I deal with this? Sometimes I feel too selfish, and other times I feel too selfless. I care about both our needs strongly.

— Drew

Breakup Girl’s response after the jump…