Holding it together on September 21, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My ex and I broke up about a year ago. We were mismatched in every way but one, and a lot of bad things happened. We still have a lot of mutual friends online, even though he’s told all his friends that I’m insane/delusional/dangerous. For my part, I did most of my most vehement bitching to people who didn’t know him.

A couple of days ago, he posted a long and uncalled for summary of some of the worst things that happened between us to a usenet group, because he thought I was snarking at his wife. (They’ve been married for a couple of months, I guess.) He’s under the mistaken impression that I’m conducting a smear campaign against him, when even my closest friends say that the worst thing they’ve ever heard me say about him is that I ought to have known better, and that he still owes me money. (He did, at the time. We’ve since settled.)

I just hate it that he’s implying that he has a life, simply because he and some fat blue-haired chick got married in the park; because I’m single by choice, and spending my spare time going out with friends, doing volunteer work and generally living the life I want to live, mine doesn’t count.

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It’s the cover-up on June 29, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

First things first, I think your page is awesome. But the real reason I’m writing to you is because I have a guilty conscience and I’m wondering if what I’m doing is actually wrong. Well see, there’s this guy that I like a lot but I can’t see us ever going out. he’s super nice, and he’s even pretty sexy. My best friend loves him and tells me all about how she fantasizes about him kissing her and being with him — me, I don’t have to wish, because we’re fooling around behind her back. The only thing that I feel bad about is that one time we (ME and HIM) were talking and he said that he wanted to tell everyone about us and I can’t do that because my best friend thinks he’s like a GOD or something, so I know it would hurt her. I meant to tell her the first time we kissed but when I called her she told me that he had talked to her that day and she got her hopes up about them hooking up. So now I don’t know how I should tell her about us. I know she’ll get REALLY mad if I tell her that we have been for a pretty long time, but I don’t think she’d care if I told her he’d just kissed me — she’d probably be psyched for me. So, is it okay to lie to her this once, or should I stay straight?

— Guilty?

BG sets her straight after the jump

Doing unto others on May 25, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I went out with this guy for a few days, then all of a sudden, he breaks up with me for this slut who just dumped her boyfriend. These two aren’t even going out and the worst part is that he told my best friend that I hated her and she didn’t talk to me for three days. I want to know, how I can get revenge while remaining anonymous?

— Miss Pissed

Dear Miss Pissed,

When Careers Day rolls around, don’t bother visiting the CIA booth. Given that it would come right on the heels of the incident(s) you describe, there is no covert operation you could run that wouldn’t have your fingers all over it. Plus, Breakup Girl is not at all convinced that these folks are worth it. That was a lame-ass, pointless move on his part — and frankly, it was even lamer for your so-called best friend to believe him without checking with you first. Revenge — especially given the elaborate effort it would take you to avoid suspicion — is so not worth it here. Your mission, and you should choose to accept it: quit calling other girls “sluts.” That doesn’t help.

Love,
Breakup Girl

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn answers What Should I Do in L.A. who’s stymied by a boyfriend who portrays himself as single online. But since he’s never met the women he chats with IRL, it’s not so much the cybercrime, it’s the coverup:

The first time I caught him, he said it was because he needed someone to talk to. The second time, he said he was trying to catch me cheating.

Yes, this one is more about trust issues than cheating. Read the full letter at Happen magazine, then add your two cents in the comments below.

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn tries to comfort a girl who is Confused and Hurt. She is not a virgin herself, but her boyfriend said he was. That is, until he finally admitted that she wasn’t his first. (Confusing!)

I even told him from the beginning that it was very important that we know about each other’s sexual histories. Honesty is a big deal to me in our relationship, and I feel he has lied to me about the biggest possible thing.

(Hurtful!) Is she overreacting? Can we even understand why he lied? Just go read the letter at Happen, then come back here to comment on sex, lies, and virginitygate.

I cannot lie to you. This is not the first time we’ve covered this letter. You see, about 12 months ago, MSN and I did it. Check out the comments here.

Have you ever lied that you have cancer to get out of a relationship? What if the relationship is already pretty out-there, as in the case of the 19-year-old lad dating the wife of Northern Ireland’s First Minister? Young Kirk McCambley told Mrs. Robinson (yep, that’s her name!) he had testicular cancer to end the affair.

In honor of Ireland’s sex scandal, The Globe And Mail‘s Dave McGinn susses out what lies might be okay to tell when breaking up. And when Ireland calls, BG answers:

“A white lie that is okay to tell is one where what you are really doing is trying to preserve the other person’s feelings. A whopper is where you’re just trying to not even deal with this at all. You’re trying to save yourself,” says Lynn Harris, co-founder of the relationship advice website BreakupGirl.net.

Read the article here and tell us your own breakup whoppers!

Huh. Quoth our tipster:”Geez, I remember when the ‘Ms. Taken’ trend was going by its previous name, ‘The cubic zirconia from Dillard’s.'”

PS Video is NSFM*.

* Mood

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice column at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly, so now you’ll get two new letters each month…

1. Warhammer Widow feels like she comes in second to her beau’s gaming — but then, so does paying his car insurance. Eeep!

2. Confused and Hurt, who is not a virgin herself, has a boyfriend who said he was. That is, until he finally admitted that she wasn’t his first. This is both confusing (why lie?) and hurtful (the lies!).

Heavy baggage from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I went out with a girl (and I mean the term girl as opposed to woman) for nineteen months. She was immature, financially and personally irresponsible, and intellectually challenged. I am the kind of person who has a very close inner circle of five or six friends and rarely lets other people in. I let her in to my inner circle, and treated her as more than an equal in that circle.

I recently found out that she cheated on me. I gave her a second chance, and she did it again. She had lied to me on more than one occasion in the relationship, but I kept forgiving. I threw her out.

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The “Predicament of the Week” from January 12, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I had been engaged to this girl for eight months and I had been going with her for a couple of years. I phoned her one night to see what she was doing and was told that she was gone for a walk. So I waited a few hours and phoned again. The second time I spoke with her little sister and was told she was out walking with the guy from up the road. They had been out walking for three hours and it had gotten dark an hour before. So I went to find my wayward wife to be. When I arrived at her place she was there waiting for me. She told me this story…

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