Awwwwww from January 19, 2008…

Dear Breakup Girl,
I’ve been friends with this guy at school for three years, and until now I’ve always thought of him as just a friend. He and I went to a formal dance, and even my mom thinks that we are dating. When I told him this, he said, “Maybe we should be.” That’s when I realized that I have a crush on him. Should I pursue this and try to start some kind of relationship that’s “more than friendly”?
— I Think I’m in Love

Dear I Think I’m in Love,
As far as “signs” go, that’s about as good as it gets. What are you waiting for?
Love,
Breakup Girl

Classic Breakup Girl essay from January 19, 1998!

Learning from our mistakes is an essential survival skill. Yet we are much better students in some situations (“Ow! Orange stove burner hot! … Do not touch again!”) than we are in others (“Ow! Man on motorcycle unreliable! … Date again!”). That said, the circumstances in the excerpts from the letters below –specifically, what Breakup Girl has put in blue should all be considered Bad Signs…

Christy: I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. Everything seemed to be really good between us…then he went away for a week to his hometown. He got back on Sunday and I still haven’t heard from him. I remember him telling me on the phone that he was bad at relationships, and when he starts going out with somebody he’ll avoid them and not call them, etc. Which is why we aren’t labeled as boyfriend/girlfriend…because all the label does is add pressure. I really want to be with him. Tell me what you think.

BG: Yo. When someone tells you they are “bad at relationships,” believe them. By saying so, they are writing themselves a permission slip to do exactly that. And yeah, the boyfriend/girlfriend label does add “pressure.” As well it should. As in “responsibility.” If two people willingly agree not to “label” their relationship, fine. But if you do want that label, then quit digging through the Irregular bin. Girlfriend’s gotta hold out for Armani.
(more…)

A rough outline from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I want to break up with my boyfriend of 5 years, because we are not compatible long-term (read: marriage). I should have done this many years ago, but I loved him and couldn’t. Now although I still love him, I think I finally have the courage to tell him I want out, but I don’t know how to broach the subject. I have thought of an approach where I discuss:

1) The current situation (i.e. everything that’s going wrong)
2) His future plans and mine (i.e. that they’re incompatible)
3) Therefore, we need to split.

(more…)

How do I love thee? Let me count, and recount, the ways. For folks like Al Franken and Ted Stevens — and the advice-seekers featured in Ask Lynn this month — it’s still not over. Here’s a recap:

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

Going back for seconds on January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My ex-boyfriend and I split up three months ago after being together for a year. We split up because he was confused, and I was too dependent on him for stability. Since we’ve broken up, I’ve gained a lot of self-esteem that I used to leech off of him, and we’ve been spending some time together. Although I don’t NEED him, I still care about him and have fun with him. He seems to enjoy himself, too. I’ve dated other men, but I’m just happier around my ex. When we’re together, it’s just relaxed and fun. Now I’m wondering if perhaps we should give our relationship another chance. Do you think this healthy?

— Amy

(more…)

Here’s a recap of last week’s advice update, in case you were busy getting out the vote, keeping hope alive, etc.:

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

Heavy baggage from January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I went out with a girl (and I mean the term girl as opposed to woman) for nineteen months. She was immature, financially and personally irresponsible, and intellectually challenged. I am the kind of person who has a very close inner circle of five or six friends and rarely lets other people in. I let her in to my inner circle, and treated her as more than an equal in that circle.

I recently found out that she cheated on me. I gave her a second chance, and she did it again. She had lied to me on more than one occasion in the relationship, but I kept forgiving. I threw her out.

(more…)

…and go vote!

Yes, this is a Breakup Girl issue.  Voting is participating, reminding us that we are part of — and have a stake in — something larger than ourselves. This can be a comfort if we are single and/or smarting, as well as a reminder that who we are and what we consider important has an impact on others: whether those in our Palm Pilots, or those in power.

Plus, you can always meet someone while you’re waiting in line.

Bonus! If you’ve already voted, here’s your toy surprise: a BG-relevant — and patriotic — video from super-FOBG Rob Paravonian…

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

Due to some too-boring-to-explain structural changes over at MSN.com, BG’s alter ego’s column, Ask Lynn (powered by Match.com) now appears…well, it’s complicated. But it does appear! Currently still available for your reading pleasure: our friend up in New Hampshire, and our friend down on her luck with weekend dates. Please check them out and come back here to comment. And, if you have questions of your own, please email asklynn@match.com. Thanks!

Update:  Okay, the links & navigation have gotten a bit wacko with MSN’s redesign. Sorry about that. Here are new direct links to the above-mentioned Ms. New Hampshire and Ms. Weekday Date. (And here is the full MSN.com relationship article index.) Sorry about the confusion; comment on! (Speaking of which, each of those pages has, at bottom right, a “feedback” link if you have comments for MSN.com about the new look.) Thanks!