Big To Do
About Us

"Saving Love Lives The World Over!" e-mail e-mail to a friend in need

May 18

Does Facebook know when it’s over?

Filed under: blogs,media — posted by Breakup Girl @ 1:27 am

We all know that Facebook offers up-to-the-minute tracking of your (and everyone’s) relationship status. But could Facebook actually predict your breakup (and etc.) before it happens? It’s not psychic; nor, as science goes, is it rocket: remember, Facebook knows how and with whom you spend (or don’t spend) your virtual time. As the blog AllFacebook reports:

It’s an inside half-truth that many friends of Mark Zuckerberg have told me over the years: Facebook knows when a relationship is about to end. My response was to always ask more questions as it actually sounded like a legitimate possibility. In David Kirkpatrick’s soon to be released book, “The Facebook Effect“, Kirkpatrick confirms that relationship patterns were something that Mark Zuckerberg often toyed with.

In the book, Kirkpatrick writes:

As the service’s engineers built more and more tools that could uncover such insights, Zuckerberg sometimes amused himself by conducting experiments. For instance, he concluded that by examining friend relationships and communications patterns he could determine with about 33 percent accuracy who a user was going to be in a relationship with a week from now. To deduce this he studied who was looking which profiles, who your friends were friends with, and who was newly single, among other indicators.

Are you busy chatting with another girl instead of your girlfriend? Are you being tagged in a lot of photos with the same person? Facebook has a lot of information about who you are viewing regularly (or lusting over) as well as what your communication patterns are. While the company is not actively charting most users’ communication patterns for determining the future of your relationship, they are actively monitoring your behavior on the site to determine what should be displayed in the feed.

Of course, 33 percent, while impressive, is not scary accurate. And there’s a wide margin of error. Depending on how you use Facebook, for example, your lovah’s profile might be the one you look at least, given that you, you know, see them. (In fact, at least one expert says partners shouldn’t be “friends” in the first place. (“It’s a terrible idea for spouses to be Facebook friends with each other,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., co-author, with Heidi Raykeil, of [best self-help title EVER!] Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting It On Again. “Relationships are already filled with enough banality. I want to preserve what little mystery there is, which means I don’t need to see my wife’s latest check-in with her third-grade pals on her Superwall.”)

That said — though BG eschews unexamined anti-FB or “technology is eeevil” pile-on — we do know that, given its endless started-out-innocent opps for flirting and reconnecting with the one(s) who got away, Facebook can also = Homewreck. So it’s not like Facebook would need to uncrumple the receipts on your dresser to know what’s up.

And so, AllFacebook wonders, could there be an app for this?

Could you imagine using the site and then receiving a notification that the system has automatically determined that your relationship could be on thin ice? While it may provide useful to know, it would be extremely creepy to find out. For now, I wouldn’t expect to see any “relationship strength tool” integrated into the site, but it’s definitely interesting to know that it’s potentially something Facebook could project. Would you want to know how strong your relationship is based on your own Facebook behavior?

But here’s the real question:

Don’t you probably already know how strong it is without Facebook telling you?


May 17

This week at Happen: Dating when you’re disabled

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:46 am

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn responds to Hoping It Works, a fellow who’s online relationship is ready to go IRL, only he’s left out certain information about himself. No, it’s not that he’s gained 20 pounds since his profile pic shot on Spring Break ’96 — it’s that he is has a disability.

I don’t know how to bring this up into casual conversation because we have not had that many online conversations. I’m concerned about saying too much or having too many rules that will turn her off, but if I don’t say enough it could cause a situation that’s dangerous for me.

What to say and when to say it? Read the full letter at Happen for Lynn’s take, then add your own in the comments or experiences below!


May 15

Bride walks down aisle unaccompanied by patriarchy

Filed under: blogs,issues,media — posted by Paula @ 6:11 am

We just spotted this few-weeks-old-but-still-compelling post from LemonDrop: it’s a lovely meditation on designing a wedding that reflects the authentic values of an adult relationship, rather than trotting out cliches that may no longer be age- or couple-appropriate.

One of the traditions this smart bride (writer Virginia Sole-Smith) eschews is the whole “walk me down the aisle and give me away like I’m chattel” business. She’s not the first, only, or last to do this, of course, but  she’s especially eloquent about this and other decisions. Congratulations on your equal marriage, Ms. Sole-Smith!


May 14

True Confessions: When I break up with a guy, I want him to want me back!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:01 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

When I go out with a guy, and things aren’t working out, of course, it ends. I have been dumped only once in my life, so I am usually the one who does it. But, for some reason, when I break up with a guy, a piece of me really wants him to still want me back. I am cool about when and where to do it, but I have always wondered if what I wear when it happens makes a difference. I still want him to fall for me afterward — should I just wear something regular, something that shows off my figure, dress up, or go grunge? Or does it even make a difference?

— Li’l Miss

Dear Li’l,

Listen, Missy, put your ego back in mothballs. Wanting him to want you back is human, but acting on it — especially if you dumped him — is tacky. Don’t go there. No matter what you’re wearing.

But while we’re on the subject, Breakup Girl will pause for a fashion moment. When it comes to looking marvelous (for non-nefarious purposes), believe none of what you read about cute sundresses and soft, fuzzy sweaters as boy magnets. There are those of us who know from experience how guys react to the sight of women playing hockey. Breakup Girl’s fashion advice: whenever possible, wear full equipment.

Breakup Girl


True Confessions: I was fooling myself when I though I loved him!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:54 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I did one of the worst things I could possibly ever, ever do (at least I realise that now) on the (uh-oh) rebound from a previous relationship feeling lost, wounded, alone, unloved (sob, sob) etc. I got involved with a very nice guy, lets call him Brandon. I have the sneaking suspicion I was fooling myself when I thought I loved him. Honestly, there wasn’t much about B you couldn’t love; smart, kind, honest, bla bla…sure, the type I never seem to find myself involved with, and, victim as always, I always go for someone who turns out to be some psychotic egocentric maniac. So, here is B telling me he loves me with all his soul and I find out, feeling like an absolute rat, that the love isn’t there, it just isn’t. Here is someone willing to COMMIT!! and here am I, the one who has always wanted committment, finding that I cannot love him like he wants me to, try as I might, and I cannot let it go on, the poor soul worshipping the ground I walk on. Now, Breakup Girl, please don’t think me coldhearted, I’m always the one who is dumped, it was very difficult to bring the pain upon another…but I did. And he refused to be “friends” but I really wanted to be friends, he was one of the sweetest people I’d known…he didn’t reply to me for weeks on end, and still I tried and tried to get through to him. I could understand his never wanting to see me again, but the sore point is this: he has some very expensive and very sentimental jewelry of mine. A silver pendant I have had since birth that I gave to him during our passionate little affair. So I sent him everything of his back, pleading with him, practically on my knees wanting it back…but no reply. I haven’t heard from him in months and months, I miss him dearly, and of course, I miss my beautiful pendant and that makes me harbour bitter thoughts. Breakup Girl, what can I do to get it back?

— Porcelina



May 13

True Confessions: I tapped my home phone…

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:12 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I recently tapped my home phone and found out my wife was planning to meet a male “friend” to “hang out” for the coming weekend. A few days before, she told me she was going out-of-town to hang out with some old girl friends.

I confronted her with what I thought was a planned affair. She denied any affair, and insists that the guy is only a friend and nothing else. Although the conversation I heard had no explicit plan, i.e. “…we’ll meet and screw,” it was fraught with the kind of sexual tension and innuendo that only two lovers have. He was saying things like “the door is always open…” etc.

I pressed the issue and my wife admitted that they had had an “incident” before we met. She says that she has no intention of sleeping with anyone but me and that she loves me, and that this guy is not sexually interested in her. However, their phone conversation sounded totally different too me.

I didn’t reveal how I got my info, but now I don’t know if I should trust my wife. Is this an innocent diversion? Or something that is bound to happen?

— Sleeping With One Eye Open



True Confessions: I have never been kissed!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 9:04 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I am 18 years old, graduated from high school, and am now well on my way to completing my first year of college. I managed to graduate from high school and make it through almost an entire year of college without actually having had a boyfriend. I haven’t really gone on that many dates, either. No, I do not have low self-esteem and/or think there is something wrong with me physically or mentally. My problem is that I have never actually been kissed! I mean, how am I going to explain this to future dates? I’m really dreading this since my roommate is currently trying to fix me up with one of her boyfriend’s friends who supposedly likes me. Help!

— Blake



May 12

True Confessions: I just want to be left alone!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:58 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

After a spate of bad relationships, I just want to be alone for a while. I know I will get over it, but in the meantime: no fixups, etc. The problem is that the world in general seems to be fascinated and worried about my lack of interest, and coworkers and friends are constantly shoving single, willing men at me. (Where were these guys when I was looking for them??) And single, willing men are throwing themselves at me as well, which is getting annoying. I feel terrible having to reject these guys — some are very nice, but they want more than I can offer right now.

I am sick of getting comments like, “Gee, do you think maybe you’re gay?” and “Maybe there’s something wrong with you.” I just need a little time and space, please! How can people be so insensitive and so insistent? And what’s a good polite way for me to tell them to drop dead?

— Non-Drooly Julie



True Confessions: He loves my worst enemy!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:50 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

How am I supposed to act around the guy I love (he knows I love him) when he has told me he loves my worst enemy?

— Kitty

Dear Kitty,

Jealousy, my dear, is your worst enemy. Act — as in Best Actress in a Drama– like it doesn’t bother you.

Breakup Girl


May 11

True Confessions: Our sex life is not particularly anxiety-free!

Filed under: Advice — posted by Breakup Girl @ 8:52 am

Classic advice from April 13, 1998

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been pondering this for a while. I’ve been dating someone for a long time who is my best friend, my favorite person, a good and attentive lover, and a wonderful soulmate for me. I really really love him and he has added so much to my life. I think we are going to get engaged soon.

My concern is that our sex life, although good, has never been particularly easy or anxiety-free. We both have a lot of “issues” and mine have definitely seemed more exaggerated since being with him. Sometimes it’s fine, sometimes it’s not so fine — but we always get through it (the hard times) and talk and take breaks when we need to. It has just never been particularly relaxed. Otherwise, he’s the one for me. I worry, though, that this issue is too important to ignore before marrying him. I went to therapy about this for a while, but didn’t think it was helping me more than just talking to him about it. Any thoughts?

— Sash


« Previous PageNext Page »

blog | advice | comics | animation | goodies | to do | archive | about us

Breakup Girl created by Lynn Harris & Chris Kalb
© 2019 Just Friends Productions, Inc.
| privacy policy
Cool Aid!

Important Breakup Girl Maxim:
Breakup Girl Sez


Powered by WordPress

Start Searching Now