Reruns from February 2, 1998…

Laura writes: I’m 36, divorced (for over five years), and have been seeing a great guy for four months. But last week, a guy I fell head over heels for a year ago came back into my life (after having moved away for a year). I really like the guy I’m seeing, but have never felt that “magic” with him — as so wonderfully talked about in “Sleepless In Seattle” in the attic scene with the old wedding dress. I did feel “magic” with Mr. Return.

My plan of action is to spend time with Mr. Return on a non-sexual, nothing but friends basis to see if there is, truly something there. I want to be fair to the guy I’m dating, as well as to my soul — after all, I so want to find my destiny, and believe that abiding love has that “magic.” Do you have any other ideas? Do I sound like I’m totally barking up the wrong tree? Your advice is most welcome.

Lois Lane writes: I’ve been married for seven years (not happily) and about a year ago I met up with my ex-boyfriend from high school. It was like we never broke up. My husband can provide for me with material things but not emotionally. On the other hand my ex is there for me emotionally, but not for material things. Should I divorce my husband or should I stay for the sake of the kids? I’m so sad!

(more…)

How do I love thee? Let me count, and recount, the ways. For folks like Al Franken and Ted Stevens — and the advice-seekers featured in Ask Lynn this month — it’s still not over. Here’s a recap:

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

Going back for seconds on January 12, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

My ex-boyfriend and I split up three months ago after being together for a year. We split up because he was confused, and I was too dependent on him for stability. Since we’ve broken up, I’ve gained a lot of self-esteem that I used to leech off of him, and we’ve been spending some time together. Although I don’t NEED him, I still care about him and have fun with him. He seems to enjoy himself, too. I’ve dated other men, but I’m just happier around my ex. When we’re together, it’s just relaxed and fun. Now I’m wondering if perhaps we should give our relationship another chance. Do you think this healthy?

— Amy

(more…)

Here’s a recap of last week’s advice update, in case you were busy getting out the vote, keeping hope alive, etc.:

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

Ask Lynn, Breakup Girl’s alter ego’s advice columns at MSN.com (powered by Match.com), is now being updated monthly rather than weekly (boo!) … but now you’ll get two new ones at a time (yay!). So, for November, we’ve got not one but two different fellas pining for two different gals who, long before election day, appear to have appointed themselves co-mayors of Mixed Messages City.

There’s

1. Waiting Gamer, wondering if his flip-flopper-in-chief will leave her lame boyfriend and be his cuddling mate for real

and

2. Rave Boy, wondering how to win back the vote of his ex, who is clearly undecided.

Read the letters and Lynn’s advice, and then come back here to comment — early and often!

It’s not necessarily one of those days, like, say, International Women’s Day, that prompts us to suggest, “Shouldn’t every day be… ?” But today, according to CBS and 1-800-FLOWERS, is Ex Day. (Unlike, say, International Women’s Day, Ex Day does have corporate sponsors.)

Inspired by the new CBS series The Ex List (BG, distracted by Prison Break, Chuck, and Sarah Palin, has been utterly remiss in her field research! Any reviews?), the initiative is designed to “let love bloom again” and “bring new life to past relationships through a special ‘Ex Day’ bouquet.”

From the press release: “According to a recent study by Wakefield Research, 39% of people feel they let ‘the One’ get away, and more than 2 in 5 Americans still have romantic feelings for an ex. Tapping into an American impulse to reconnect with a past love [the French don’t do that?], the Ex Bouquetâ„¢ sends a heartfelt and understated message and can be delivered same day at the click of a mouse, thereby eliminating the stress of an awkward ‘ex encounter.’ [Except for the part where your ex’s new squeeze is sitting at the next desk.] Crafted from fresh carnations, Gerbera daisies, Asiatic lilies, daisy poms and button poms, the aromatic arrangement says, ‘How have you been? Now you are in the awkward position of having to call me to say thanks even though you’ve moved on, leaving me to pick apart your ‘mixed messages’ and in no better a place than where I started‘ in muted green and white hues.”

On vinyl, anyway.

Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, the advice column penned by BG’s alter ego at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week, we meet Torn-Up Tanya, who presents us with still another age-old dilemma: “Steve — or Mark?”

Steve: Emotionally abusive but penitent and up-for-counseling ex. Wants her back.

Mark: “Sweet,” “awesome” new guy she met, sorta by mistake, very soon after the breakup.

Whom should Tanya choose? (Hint: Maybe … Ed?) See what Lynn has to say, and then come back here to comment!

Once in a while, staying at the pub and chanting your football team’s name loudly with your mates actually turns out to be the better idea.

For those of you in a re-relationship like mine, it turns out we are not the freaks our friends try to make us out to be. In fact there’s an entire subset of relationships — with their own TV role models, of course — that have risen from the very ashes of their own breakups. (Again, and again, and again.)

According to a recent article in the Contra Costa Times, the cycle of breaking up and making up with the same person — you know, in the inimitable words of Charlene: “That man you fought with this morning, the same one you’re going to make love to tonight” — has a lot to do with our biological makeup, our fears of being alone, and, in some “extreme” cases, an addiction to the “I love, I mean hate, I mean LOVE you” drama.

Lisa Gray, a marriage and family therapist, says: “[These couples] get addicted to that up and down of emotion. The more quiet, stable love is not really cultivated as something to be respected. Just watch the common TV shows. These loud breakups-and-get-back-togethers are what get the attention.”

If that’s the case, I, for one, would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life never getting any attention ever again. Quiet, stable love, where are you?