We held off on this one, since we figured not that many first dates were happening on Valentine’s Day. But now here we go. OKCupid, always ready with the best questions for blog posts, asks, what are the best questions for first dates? Actually, they put it a much better way: “What questions are easy to bring up, yet correlate to the deeper, unspeakable, issues people actually care about?” Yes! Easy and deep-y. And did we mention easy? See, because what you don’t want — as with first “lines” — is something gimmicky, interviewy, or otherwise annoyingy. (“So, tell me, Sam. [Leans closer, significantly.] Would you rather be a cloud, or a grape?”) What you want, OKCupid determines, with the use of several handy bar graphs, is “the shallow stuff to ask when you want to know something deep.”

OK SO LIKE WHAT? Well, then we get into some frankly fascinating correlations (derived from their vast database and some fancy math). If you want to know if you two have long-term potential, ask if he/she likes horror movies, or would like to chuck it all and live on a sailboat. Couples who agreed on such Qs were correlated with couples who lasted. If you want to know if your date is religious, ask if she/he is annoyed by spelling and grammar mistakes; “If your date answers ‘no’—i.e. is okay with bad grammar and spelling—the odds of him or her being at least moderately religious is slightly better than 2:1.” Hooray for teh tolerance! Want to know if you have the same politics? Ask if your date prefers the people in his/her life to be simple or complex. The latter preference is correlated with liberal politics. JUST SAYING. (Also: clouds and grapes CAN get along!)

Read the whole piece for great fun and info, plus Kevin Costner in fingerless gloves. (The apocalypse kind, not the golf kind.)

AND: Since you’re going to need to get to that first date in the first place, here is BG’s definitive guide to opening lines.

“Was going to kiss my wife goodbye this morning, but then I thought, ‘Screw that, Valentines Day was YESTERDAY.'”

— Your friend and ours, Christian Finnegan

Hah! See, it’s funny ’cause it’s NOT TRUE!

Anyway, BG is recovering from the big day, and gearing up for the EVEN BIGGER DAY, so I’ll leave you with that, and these:

1. Fascinating, and VERY IMPORTANT, in today’s Times: Report Details Sabotage of Birth Control.

2. Fascinating, and NOT AT ALL IMPORTANT: American Idol Hopefuls Julie Zorrilla and Casey Abrams: High School Prom Dates!

There you go. Hope yesterday was great — and today is even better!

Breakup Girl isn’t exactly boycotting Valentine’s Day. No, she’s personcotting the holiday. Now, this has nothing to do with the fact that she’s alone this year. She just thinks: Why can’t couples treat every day like Valentine’s Day? Spread the love! To that end, here is some stuff from BreakupGirl.net to help celebrate this Monday — and the other 364 days:

• Breakup Girl eCards and customizable candy heart eCards.
• Breakup Girl IRL greeting cards.
• Breakup Girl Haiku Contest 2010 winner and entries, plus winners from  1998,  1999, 2000, 2006, and more.
  • UPDATE: Tweet your own haiku with the hashtag #vdayhaiku!
• Breakup Girl on when is the right time to say “I love you.”
• Breakup Girl V-day comic: “Valentine’s Saint”
• Breakup Girl V-day comic: “Aliens Abducted My Heart!”

In honor of the occasion, this week Breakup Girl is posting advice letters that highlight some of the essential themes in our nation’s presidential history, especially those embodied by those great leaders we honor today.

What are the principles governing dating? How have the “rules” been amended? Two letters from people seeking to form more perfect unions.

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m in the process of ending a four-year relationship (ten years together overall). Due to severe heartache, I’m not looking for a more serious relationship. However, should there be an occasion where I agree to date someone from time to time, I’d like to know the “rules” of the game. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in the dating scene. What are the rules these days? Are women supposed to let men make the first move/call/email? Are women supposed to play hard to get? Dating was much different when I was 18!

— Joy

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been divorced one year, and I’m totally confused about “dating in the 90s.” (I’m bald, average looks, late 40s, overweight.) I don’t know what is expected of men today. Do you have any advice on: meeting single women, asking them out, phone calls, dinner, movies, cards or flowers, kissing, sex, week-end trips, over-nighters, and looks?

— Lost in the Midwest

(more…)

Dear Breakup Girl,

I have been married for two years. I have a child of six months. My husband works a job where he is gone long hours. He expects me to stay at home and clean all the time while he gallivants after work to a bar or to drink at a friend’s house. He thinks he doesn’t have to give up any money from his paycheck so that he can have a “slush fund” for himself. I am really upset with his attitude toward our family life. Should we talk about separation?

— M

Dear M,

Yep.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Dear Breakup Girl,

Thanks for telling it like it is! You have a lot of heart too.

My question is simple but not easy. My boyfriend and I have been dating for the past few months and we are already talking about moving so we can live in the same city. Unfortunately, he is in Chicago for the next two years because he just started his own business and I am living in L.A. right now.

We met in a museum in San Diego while he was on a business trip and I was out having a good time by myself after getting hurt by a dumbass ex-boyfriend. I have no money and he is offering to help me move sooner by helping me financially. I have always been a “pay my own way” kind of girl and want to work the money up myself over the next year.

However, it is excruciating (!) to consider being apart for another year. We are very in love already, he is 26 and I am 27 and we are thinking of marriage in the next few years. I intend to have my own place when I move to Chicago since I also believe in not living together until you are at least engaged (!). I love him to pieces and vice versa! We just want to be together, but I feel there is a principle here that I don’t want to break. He doesn’t see any problem with helping me move sooner. What do you think, Breakup Girl?

— Languishing in LA

(more…)

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been going out with the same guy for about nine months….including the time we weren’t actually “going out,” just messing around/while I was “cheating” on my long-distance love, and so much has happened since I met him that I don’t know what to think or do or anything.

I care deeply about him, I love him, blah blah blah…but my parents hate him and want me to dump him and have for a while now. I can’t even talk to him on the phone without them turning it into a huge issue involving lectures and comparisons to various evil figures in history. My Dad insists he’s seen a pattern in many men, and that my guy is in the early stages of what is likely to become an abusive relationship.

My guy is mean to me sometimes, but we’ve been getting along better lately, even though I sometimes want to kill him….see, I’m lost! He’s so cute and I laughed my butt off at your comment, “I never want to see you again…unless you’re wearing those jeans,” because that is SO true about how I feel sometimes. I’ve broken up with him before, tried to other times, and he starts to cry and whine and make me feel awful. I hate that!

So, I guess my question is, should I break up with him, how can I do it without being mean, and what the hell am I supposed to do since I still love him? And his clothes…I don’t want to give them back! Okay, that’s all, I suppose…please help!

— Vera

(more…)

(But Sometimes I Can Leave Stuff Out)

Dear Breakup Girl,

I can’t figure out how to tell my boyfriend I want to break up without hurting his feelings. He has really bad breath, aggravates me about if I like him or not (which I did until he annoyed me with the question too much), and he wears makeup to cover acne (he thinks I can’t tell, I guess). What to do?

— Darlene

(more…)

Dear Breakup Girl,

My fiance and I recently split. I did the deed, as he became at first distant, then emotionally abusive, then completely absent in body and soul. I’ve returned my wedding dress, sold my wedding ring (I paid for it, I can sell it), and am in therapy. So what’s my problem? He still lives in the building I’ve inhabited for nearly 14 years. We rented separate studio apartments, and when we were together, one was our bedroom, one our living area. He has no plans to leave the building. We no longer speak. I don’t know whether to leave, stay and get over him, or send hate mail. What would you do?

— Deborah

(more…)