Worse for me than the sound of the morning alarm is the buzz of my boyfriend’s Wackberry vibrating on the bedside table. Seriously, dude. Since when is texting more important than spooning?

But that even louder buzz you hear is the sound of 5,655 people like me grumbling about their partners.  Men’s News Daily reports this tidbit from Sheraton Hotel’s recent survey  of 6,500 traveling executives: 87 percent of them admitted, likely propped up with pillows and a scowling spouse at their side, that they bring their Blackberries to bed. And: 35 percent of them said they’d choose their PDA over their spouse. YIKES! Of course, those couples may have issues that predate the telegraph, but still.

So yeah, my boyfriend — who is not even an executive, but clearly some sort of international man of mystery — definitely brings his phone to bed. I mean, phones. He has two Blackberries plus a third phone, which is like a Bat phone for his ex, who is the only one with the number — but that’s a different story.

Classic letter from January 9, 1998 …

Dear Breakup Girl,
If I have just dumped my boyfriend, do you think he will tell his friends that he was the one who dumped me?
— The Heartbreaker

Dear Heartbreaker,
Yeah, probably. If he’s a real prince of a guy, he’ll say “It was mutual.”
Love,
Breakup Girl

Here, your weekly installment — now on Mondays!* — of Ask Lynn, the advice column penned by BG’s alter ego at MSN.com (powered by Match.com). This week we meet Edgy in Erie, and right away we see where she got her classic alliterative nom-de-lovelorn:

“I find myself on edge all the time,” she writes of her boyfriend, “because …

1. He hasn’t followed through with the divorce.
2. He has cheated on me with her.
3. He talks to her often and seems overly concerned with the goings-on of her life (beyond kid-related things).”

Yep, Erie, we’re all edgy now too.

How to take that edge off? Find out what Lynn has to say here, and then come back here to comment!

* Our latest season of all-new adventures wrapped up last Monday >sniff<! Stay tuned for more …

And now, the epic “season finale” of The New Adventures of Breakup Girl!
BG faces everyone’s greatest fear…

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Here, your weekly installment of Ask Lynn, the advice column penned by BG’s alter ego at MSN.com (powered byMatch.com). This week, we meet Lost, who poses one of the biggies: why is breaking up so hard, even when my relationship is so bad?

The deets: “My boyfriend of five years feels like he has to hide everything and lie to me about who he speaks to. …We have fought constantly about it, and every time we fight we break up….he tries to blame me…. I do not think that he appreciates me. Am I stupid for wanting to stay with him? I think so. Then how do I get out of this?”

You mean, besides fast? Find out what Lynn has to say, and then come back here to comment!

For Breakup Girl and Lone Loner, breaking up was the easy part…

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First we heard about ExBoyfriendJewelry.com. Now we hear, via the Boston Globe, that both online and off, sales of emotionally-tarnished gewgaws have actually created a mini “ex-boyfriend economy” unto itself. Helping fuel the reportedly “unprecedented assault on jewelry boxes and dresser drawers,” apparently, are the currently “record prices for precious metals.”

I have a box, not exactly FULLfull, but containing quite a few once-shiny little items from exes. What better way to underwrite the cost of that strappy little dress I have my eye on! (Then again, those wee baubles from “Roger” will go perfectly with it, so I’ll at least have to hang on to them…)

My dad has done a lot of things for me. He taught me to drive. He bought me my first car. He changed the oil in said car. But of all the car-related things my dad has done for me, he has not once, in ALL the years I’ve known him, ever set fire to my ex-boyfriend’s garage. Not once.

Should I feel, I don’t know, somehow deprived? Like my dad wasn’t involved enough in my life?

Via BG’s alter ego at Broadsheet:

What to do with that old engagement ring? You know, after you whip it at your lying, cheating ex-fiancé?

Keepsake? Yeah, right. EBay? So impersonal. Pirates? That’ll only do more damage.

Now, as today’s New York Times reports, there may be a more appealing option: an auction site called ExBoyfriendJewelry.com (tag line: “You don’t want it. He can’t have it back”).

At first glance, I cringed. After all, I consider most public expressions of us vs. him (or her) anti-ex bitterness to be inelegant, tacky, TMI. That said, I will also give a pass to just about anything with real humor and heart. And this site, I must admit (which is not hetero-only), has inspired some gems of poignant free verse.

The description for some Celtic knot earrings: “At some point, he began to take fabulous trips to Ireland. Without me.” For an engagement ring and wedding band: “Hey, Mom and Dad. Remember that time I got married really young?” (Her offer: “I can’t pay you back for the wedding, but I’ll split whatever I get for these with you.”) For an emerald ring, this novella: “It was 1989 on Long Island. Poison and Paula Abdul were battling for the top billboard spots. He was 19, drove a white honda crx and rocked skidz; I smoked marlboro lights and lied about my age of 14. We fell in love over whoppers and the run dmc that pumped out of his ridiculously large speakers. When he bought me this emerald and diamond ring from Sears, it was probably the single best thing that had ever happened to me. I wore it all up and down that high school with pride. But soon enough, it was time to trade my gold for silver as the 80s gave way to the 90s. I got into Nirvana and Ani DiFranco and it was clear that an ocean of Drakkar Noir lay between us.”

And, for some clip-on earrings: “Clip ons. Clip ons!”

There’s also an area of the site for “Gifts That Should Have Been Jewelry.”

I see just one pitfall, really: the perhaps inevitable description reading “I dumped him because he bought my engagement ring used from this site!”

A weighty question from January 9, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,
My ex was over moving my furniture the other night — I know it sounds crazy, but I swear it was just a favor — and this guy that I’ve been dating on and off for a month and half found out. This caused a situation so uncontrollable that I lost the guy I was starting to date. We were getting along so well… but now he says he “needs space.” I don’t understand — what should I do?
— Patricia

Dear Patricia,
First of all, I think moving heavy furniture is a very good thing for an ex to do. Second, I assume he wasn’t, say, moving his stuff into your apartment. Finally, if guy #2 “needs space,” why not send your ex over to move his furniture out?

If you really do have a just-movers relationship with your ex, then yeah, Dating Boy is probably overreacting — but I can also see why he might have been a little intimidated. Furniture-moving is not a delicate favor, but it is an intimate one. So give the skittish guy one clear, pressure-free phone call just to let him know that you see why that could have been weird, and that you’d be happy to see him again if and when he’d like to. And next time, do your own heavy lifting.

Love,
Breakup Girl