Finding comfort on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’m too shy to ask guys out. I’m afraid they’ll say no and humiliate me for the rest of my life. What should I do?

— Daisy Girl

Dear Daisy,

What you should do is know is that this is the exact same fear that has kept guys from asking women out since the dawn of history.

Now do they seem less scary?

Love,
Breakup Girl

Unresolved feelings on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I went out with a guy for 4 years. Two years into it, when I was 24, I found out I was pregnant. Pretty bad timing since I was about to move to another city and he was about to go on tour with his band. We were both broke. We hadn’t really decided to break up, but he had insisted he wasn’t interested in maintaining a long-distance relationship (although it turned out we did, a sloppy on and off one). We knew that I was pregnant for a week before I had my abortion. In that time, we didn’t discuss it very much. Although I wasn’t entirely against having a child, I couldn’t picture ourselves together. I’ve always been pro-choice, so although it was a painful decision, I felt at the time it was the right one. I was pretty sure I would have to do it alone, and I didn’t think I could be a good mother in those circumstances.

He and I have been apart now for about 4 years. I, for some unknown reason, am still very attached to him. He lives on the other side of the country and just became engaged to someone else. I am with someone else too who I enjoy a lot, but am not in love with. Me and the long-distant ex- had been talking on the phone, in the hopes that we could build a friendship that could continue after his marriage. During our last conversation, he asked me why I had had an abortion since he had been ready to have a child. I am pretty sure that he never told me that back when we had an option. We might not have discussed it as much as we should have, but then again, we never discussed anything enough which is probably one of the reasons the relationship didn’t work out.

(more…)

Lacking confidence on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I kicked my girlfriend out of my apartment at college because since we moved in together she has been sucking me dry of money. In only a month that we lived together I gave her $850.00 dollars. I feel I was the idiot. Well, now I am having a hard time having the courage to ask girls out on a date — yes, I fear rejection and honestly I have no confidence in myself to flirt or whatever. Seems like all the girls I’m interested in want the jocks or the ones with the new trucks. What should I do? I already turned down Model Search because I was still in a relationship — should I pursue that still?

— Rick

Dear Rick,

Does anyone want to tell Breakup Girl what “Model Search” is? Seems to me like we have enough of them, without having to go looking. Or, are some missing?

In the meantime, listen, Rick: you had a bum deal with that girl, and it’s made you twice-shy. But I think the balances in your security and confidence accounts might have been a little low even before then. I’m sure it was very nice of you to give her so much money, but it was also a little needy. On your part. Did you maybe think that getting an ATM card at Rick Bank was the only way she’d like you, need you, stay? You were trying, in your own way, to be the cash jock, the guy with enough money for the new truck. It’s all the same. Something to think about before you relaunch Girlfriend Search. And I’m hoping you won’t have to go looking too hard.

Love,
Breakup Girl

Going it alone on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Hmm… where to begin. It’s not like this is exactly your typical BG-solved sitch, but then again, maybe it’s worthy of your superpowered consideration. File this under “Surviving when single.”

A bit of background. I’m 27 and single, which I’m fine with — or at least trying to be. It’s getting to the point, though, that lots of my friends are no longer single. I’m WAY fine with that. (Gives me hope.) My two friends from college, and my two friends that they’re married to (roommates married roommates — is that cute or what?) have recently moved into my area. The couples have stayed in pretty close touch. Now, I’m DYING to get together to catch up and reminisce, but there are a few problems.

1. Although I’m fine with being the “odd number,” it could make things a bit weird. I’d ask someone to join me, but talk about your “odd numbers” — have you ever gone along as a “second” out with a bunch of old friends? NOT pretty. How to defuse the tension of being “the lone singleton?”

(more…)

Going Greek on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Last year, I had a really big crush on this guy and I asked him out. Well, he had a girlfriend, and since I rarely saw him, I was able to get over it. Fast-forward to this year. Turns out he’s in two of my classes. I have to see him every day and on weekend trips (for debate, one of the classes we share). He still has a girlfriend, I think. The problem is, I just can’t get over him. He’s cute and smart (he quotes Plato) and all that. I just want to move on!

— Amanda

Dear Amanda,

That is totally annoying. In fact, “Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable” (Laws, 808). Unfortunately, all there is to do is keep things platonic with him and set your sights on someone else in the Republic.

Love,
Breakup Girl

A return customer from September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

Yes, it is I, Lisa, once again, from the Jessica / Sherman thing. And normally I would hate you completely and never read your column again for leaving my on the edge of my seat waiting for a SMALL response. But you’re truly lucky, because now I have a bigger predicament.

I have know this guy *call him Stephen* for three years, and we have been the sweetest of friends. I’ve always gone to his house on Friday nights and played video games all night, and he’d attend all my cheerleading competitions. It has been the sweetest. The strange thing about our relationship is that we’re sexually active. We fool around pretty much every chance we get, and it’s pretty much a secret, only his best friend and my best friend know about it.

Anyways, this new girl moved in recently *call her Desiree*. Of course Stephen hooked up with her, which I was happy about. But I warned her beforehand that Stephen doesn’t date girls for too long.

So yesterday we were going to the video store when him and his friend T started talking about how everyone should quit talking about me and Stephen. So I asked what was going on and they clued me in that he dumped her yesterday, and now everyone is talking about beating me up because I supposedly broke them up.

(more…)

MSN.com, Match.com, HappenMagazine.com: they’re in a healthy and satisfying 3-way relationship. Meaning that you can find MSN/Match.com’s “Ask Lynn” columns –penned by BG’s alter ego — over at Happen now as well.

This week Lynn advises a guy who’s Confused about a girl. And who wouldn’t be, with these kinds of mixed messages:

I work with a woman that I’m very attracted to. We’ve been out with each other numerous times and intimate a couple of times. … She says she isn’t looking for anything serious right now because her ex-boyfriend is still in the picture and she just doesn’t know what she wants right now, which is fine by me. … However, anytime she knows I’m talking to another woman, she gets jealous.

What’s going on? Should he say something? Check out the full letter along with Lynn’s take, then come back here and comment below!

A success story from September 18, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I just wanted to share one of my own experiences that touches on a lot of the stuff you talk about. Although we’re broken up now, my ex and I were best friends for a year before we went out. We’d talk on the phone until 1 AM on school nights, be there for each other, do anything for each other — best friends. He was completely in love with me the whole time,which sounds rude to say, but it’s true. I did, admittedly, take advantage of that sometimes. But you know what? After a year of him being there for me for everything, I finally gave in to him and said I would be his girlfriend. Although things didn’t turn out so we could be together forever as we’d initially planned, we’re only in high school, and it was the best six months of my life. So this letter not only goes out to nice guys for being such great friends, and to tell them to keep being great, it will pay off eventually — but I also want to encourage girls to give that “nice guy” a chance. For the longest time I always said “I just can’t see you that way.” But I took a chance — I didn’t know how it would end up. I wondered if it would be weird kissing him, let alone MAKING OUT because we were such good friends, but you know what? We had the best first kiss because we already had mutual respect and love for each other. So those “nice guys” that aren’t always the best looking or the most popular might be just exactly what you are looking for and never knew it. So take a chance, ladies, and guys, don’t give up yet. Thanks for being so great.

— Morgan

Dear Morgan,

Bravisima!

Love,
Breakup Girl

Puppy love on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

I’ve been soliciting advice on this subject from everyone I know, but nobody can figure this guy out — so here goes:

I’ve been hanging out with this fellow for about five months now, and although we’re officially just friends, I’ve had the hots for him for months. Recently, he’s begun saying and doing little things that may indicate he now has similar feelings for me. Unfortunately, they are VERY little things, like tickling, mock fistfights, sexual innuendos, teasing, and joking about how he should put the moves on me when we go to the movies, or that we should drive up into the hills and park, but never actually making good on these threats.

The other night we were stretched out on the couch watching a video when he took my feet and put them in his lap. I was congratulating myself on this huge display of affection when he leaned over and shoved a Frito up my nose!

I might understand if he were, say, 12 years old, but he’s 27! I’m fairly certain he has never had sex, which may account for his awkwardness, but he has had several relationships that lasted 3 or 4 years, so it’s not like he’s never seen a girl before. Another factor is that he’s fairly shy and unsophisticated.

Because I value his friendship, I am afraid to take the matter into my own hands and jump him. If I have misinterpreted his attentions, it would certainly ruin our relationship. On the other hand, I’m so frustrated right now that I’m kind of distant and bitchy around him, something that might jeopardize the relationship in the long run.

Should I stick it out a little longer, suppressing my frustration, or stir things up?

–Frito Nose

BG lays the snack down, after the jump!

Going no further on September 28, 1998…

Dear Breakup Girl,

One of my friends is totally in love with me but I have no feelings for him whatsoever. How can I tell him that I don’t like him without losing his friendship?

— Julianne

Dear Julianne,

The best you can do is this: break it to him sweetly but clearly. As in: “I have the hunch that you might like us to be more than friends. I think it’s important to tell you that I’m totally sorry, but I just don’t feel that way. Which also means that I love our relationship the way it is, and I hope that’ll still work for you too.” So if you do still want to be friends — and he can deal — then prove it … gently. Make an effort to keep everything the way it was — in terms of hanging out, talking, whatever you do together — but turned down one notch. This will let him know that you meant what you said, but it will also give him space to get over what you said. And wait a while before you get all Good Person and try to set him up with someone else. He may not be ready … and you may find yourself oddly jealous.

Love,
Breakup Girl